For years I have heard about the book, The Five Love Languages. As a quick premise for the book, it basically establishes 5 ways that people love with the notion that if you understand yourself and your partner you are better equipped to carry on a successful relationship. Apparently, they say that the more you know about your partner (note: not yourself) and how they communicate love – the more you can apply that to your relationship. Scroll down for instructions on how to do the exercise for yourself with your partner.
But first… you need to know what the 5 Love Languages are:
What Are The Five Love Languages?
Words of Affirmation
If this is your love language, you love the power words possess. You live for the “Good Morning, beautiful/handsome” texts, and nothing warms your heart more than a good old fashioned compliment. Whether it be on a personality trait or your looks, you swoon over being verbally validated on a regular basis.
If this is how you like to receive love, nothing beats being constantly surrounded by those you love. Even if it’s just a phone call, some carried our plans, or just being in the same room as the other person while cruising the internet or mindlessly watching Netflix. In your eyes, time spent with the person you love if the best time spent.
The way you see it, receiving gifts is the ultimate way to interpret love. This isn’t to be confused with being vain or materialistic. Most can agree that if you see something and think, “Wow! My SO would love this!” you are pretty connected. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be thought of. If gift-giving if your love language, you love receiving gifts that are personalized and show that your partner knows you. It’s often the small things that matter most.
This is quality time amplified because it’s taking it a step further into needing this person’s physical presence rather than needing consistent communication. If this is you, you are comforted by cuddling, hugging, handholding, and other physical signs that suggest your partner cares about you and wants to be with you too.
Acts of Service
Remember that time that you were dreading getting an oil change and when you finally decided that today would be the day that you tackle this obnoxious chore, it was already done for you! Acts of service basically translate into lending a helping hand shows you really care. Basically, if you’re not willing to show your appreciation by doing them a favor, you’re saying you don’t value them.
How To Find Your Partner’s Love Language
You can take this Love Language quiz here. It’s a little manual and there are some free quizzes online, but I don’t trust them as much as this one. Just borrow a pen and paper from your parents and jot down your answers, tally them up! Circa Seventeen Magazine 2003
Separately, read the descriptions above and take a guess at what your love language is and what your partners is. After all, the most important thing is not what your Love Language is – but what your partner’s is. Maybe your partner knows you better than you know yourself!
SABRINA AND SAHIR
Sabrina on Sahir’s Love Language: I think Sahir’s love language is Acts of Service. Sahir is so easy to please because he doesn’t expect a lot from those who love him, but he always notices when I take him to fill his medicines, get his car washed, or pick up something for him.
Sabrina on Sabrina’s Love Language: Jeez, this is hard. I think mine is quality time. I love being connected with Sahir on a physical level when we’re walking and he drapes his arms around my shoulders or pulls me close. Just being together means the most.
Sahir on Sabrina’s Love Language: It’s hard to choose what love language Sabrina expresses the most. She has a huge heart and loves to cuddle, but if I had to choose her love language would be quality time. No matter if it’s watching a tv show together, making dinner, or even just checking our Insta feeds on adjacent couches – time spent together is definitely the best time spent.
Sahir on Sahir’s Love Language: My love language would be a mix of quality time and acts of service. I obviously love spending time together but when I’m in a hurry and she makes an extra cup of tea or avocado toast in the morning, that does the trick!
Take this weekend to do this fun exercise with your significant other and if you do be sure to message me and let me know how it goes.