Normally on my birthday I would do a big sincere post about things that I’m grateful for. Maybe I’d be cute & synchronize my list with the age I’m turning, 28 things to be grateful for this year. And you’d read it and nod along. Family- check, friends- check, Theo- duh. And then you’d go about your day and think nothing else of the sweet 3 minutes that we spent together.
I’m not gonna do that. This year, as extremely grateful as I am, I want to share what scares me, what keeps me up at night, and what worries me about being 28. These are things that I think about in my spare time, what I think about when I’m laying in bed trying to sleep, and what I consider when I think about my future.
Here’s my most vulnerable post ever… enjoy (but be nice!)
My biggest fears:
1. What if I don’t spend enough time with my grandfather before he passes?
2. Will I ever regret not living in a different city?
3. What if I can never fold a fitted sheet by myself?
4. My mom was so handy around the house, will I ever be that way?
5. When people stop ID’ing me, will I get sad?
6. Will I ever wake up excited to go to work?
7. How will I know if we have financial security?
8. Will I always be afraid of going to the basement alone?
9. What if my family hates my cooking?
10. Will I ever have enough willpower to have a strong body?
11. Will I regret being a homebody and never going out?
12. Am I adaptable enough for life’s plans?
13. Will my husband and I always be this in love?
14. Can I keep up with my friendships as I get older?
15. Will I ever be comfortable eating in a restaurant alone and not be on my phone?
16. How can I make more time for my mom?
17. Will I ever be okay with swimming in the ocean?
18. Can I learn to be more creative?
19. Will I ever feel “caught-up” with my work?
20. Do I know enough home remedies?
21. Will I have time to read for fun?
22. What if I wait too long to have children?
23. What if I can’t get pregnant?
24. What if I’m not a good mom?
25. How will I deal with labor?
26. Will Theo be okay around a baby?
27. Can I handle a child?
28. What if my husband gets sick again?
Clearly, there is a bit of a pattern with some of these things. When you’ve been married for over 3 years, it’s natural to start considering a family. It’s terrifying, but it’s one of the many things that I worry about. I feel so blessed to be waking up every day in my home, with my family, go to work, workout, make a meal afterwards and then spend time on my creative outlet. In the grand scheme of things, this list isn’t a list of real problems, but it’s the things that I think about. Part of the grand adventure of life right?
Happy Birthday To Me!