I think there is a certain point in every woman’s life where she realizes that a phenomenally kick-ass woman her mom is and heavily regrets all of the unnecessarily trouble she put her mom through. Maybe it’s because we are getting older or even considering the day that we become moms ourselves, but there are so many things I wish I would have done when I lived closer to my mom. Learning how to cook is just the tip of the iceberg, my mom – probably like many of yours – is a complete rockstar. She raised two girls as a single mom. (Like what?! How is that possible? I’m terrified of raising one child with my husband, two sets of grandparents, and a community of help) She was simultaneously a chef, baker, seamstress, housekeeper, and handyman. To this day, my husband still calls my mom if something is broken or leaking. #SuperMom
But things aren’t always rosy. My mom and I have to work at our relationship and while I’d say things are better now than ever before, it’s still hard to make time for each other and connect in the shorter amounts of scheduled time. Here are three rules that can help improve your relationship with your mom:
I’d be lying if I said that I hang out with my mom as much as I’d like to, visit her often, or call her enough. But one of the fundamental rules of building and maintaining any relationship is offering your time. The trouble is, time is such a scarcity these days. Between work, school, professional responsibilities, marriage, etc – it’s almost impossible to keep up with it all. The good news is that your mom is always on your side. The better news is that technology is awesome and we can video chat our moms! I don’t even know how generations before us boiled eggs or washed white sheets. I literally need my mom for everything and luckily she’s a phone call away (and 30-40 minutes depending on traffic). If you can’t meet for lunch because you have a big job interview or exciting concert to go to – let mom know! She’s on your side, you just gotta communicate. Another thing to do is to schedule time around your common interests. Both me and my mom hate running, but know that exercise is important. We try to meet up at a park and go for a jog where we can catch up and also get a workout in!
stop taking, start giving back
Your mom took care of you for so many years, eventually it’s time to be an adult and take care of your parents. Sahir and I have a strict – whatever mom wants rule. That means if we go get our nails done – I pay and if she compliments the avocado opener in our home – it’s hers. We can buy another. It’s a luxury to be able to provide these small things to your parents and if ever possible, I encourage you to do the same. I understand that it’s not always feasible, but the being able to treat your mom is so much fun and will bring you happiness too!
be the adult
There were so many times as a teen that I dismissed my mom like she didn’t know what she was talking about. In hindsight I realize how hurtful that must have been. As an adult, I consciously try to be kind when when my mom (as all moms do) starts to badger me. As adults, we can welcome each other’s thoughts without being dismissive and give each other the freedom to trust our instincts- even if that means taking a different path. Sometimes it seems like we save our worst moods and tempers for the ones we love.
If you are lucky enough to have your mom or a mom-like figure in your life, make an effort to work on your relationship. I hope that one day my inevitably ungrateful child will realize how much that I did for them and want to improve our relationship as an adult. Your mom is likely your best friend and your biggest cheerleader. Thanks to all the fantastic moms out there for everything you do, including mine because I know you read every post. Love you mom.